I can recite from my mind an event too common in Portugal as in many other countries out there
Husband and wife live an apparent normal life
A nice house, good careers, two kids and a dog
Everything needed to be considered "living the good dream"
Nevertheless, outside the dream the bitter reality bites in
Long hours where there is no contact
Strange smells on the clothing worn
Unusual scratches and bites on the body
Returning home just to go straight for a bath after little or no contact with you
No explanations given or explanations that sound like lies
Unusual emotional explosions with no apparent reason
Continuous smoking and drinking even on peaceful events
Avoiding sexual contact even when you do the advances
You have seen the fiction on TV, but reality many time surpasses what is shown
You feel it on your gut that there is a problem and probably he is cheating on you, but you cannot confirm
I could paint a pretty picture for you, but I would just be lying to you
He is indeed cheating on you
You might think that the problem will go away in time
That is is just a casual event
Let us not be naive
It isn't
It is never a question if he will have a chance to do it, but if he will do it
If you consider BDSM as something that your partner enjoys, but it is something you are ashamed or you do not find appealing enough to do, then you can be sure that one day that desire will come out of the closet it is kept with a bigger or smaller explosion, according to how much time has passed since his last encounter with it
People have different tastes in life and being together with someone does not mean that you will share all the same tastes or even that the desire to do it will be synchronized between the two of you
We are all human beings, with faults and virtues
Being together means accepting the full package and not just the parts you like
Even if a superhuman effort is made, the truth will come out eventually
There are four options at your disposal according to how much you love your partner.
You may choose to quit the relationship
You may choose to close your eyes to the events that happen behind you
You may choose to sacrifice your moral standards in the name of your relationship and play with him
You may choose to walk side by side with his choices and keep the space warm for when he returns
Every choice has a price on you so make no mistake about it
Doing nothing is also an action
If you choose to end everything because you made a discovery of an inner private part of your partner, you are free to do so
It just means that you were only in love with the façade that he displays and there is nothing to sustain your relationship
Either way it is bound to fail sooner or later
BDSM does not necessarily revolve around sexual pleasure
Many times it doesn't even have sexual contact
There is a different type of pleasure extracted from it
But there is pleasure indeed, in a form that you may not be able to provide
Nevertheless there are other forms of pleasure you cannot give to him, like playing sports, watching soccer with his old gang, something that requires social interaction that you will not be present in
If you are even afraid of these, then probably you should lock him up to the wall of your home, but that he would probably enjoy
Playing the part that your partner desires is another option, but if you are not comfortable playing or you don't like doing it, there is no point in trying
If you are with someone for some time you can tell if he is enjoying it or not
If he likes you he will not request it again and everything will stay as it was before.
If you are playing, do it for real
Enter the role to the deepest level you can
Discover the rewards that come from living the part
Many people have discovered that and do it
See how much money was made from a couple of grey shades
Just imagine if you use all the colour range in your mind
The worst option possible is closing your eyes to the events that happen
BDSM is a dangerous game to play
Not all players play by rules or care for the well-being of their opposite players
If you don't know the "when" and the "who", if events go for the worst there is no way for you to find out anything
Not caring for what he does just means what it really is
You don't care for him
The final option is being there for him, knowing when it happens and with whom (or at least know the address where he is), even if that is kept in a closed envelope just in case
You may also set rules regarding what he can and can't do, allowing him to enjoy himself while maintaining the normal household environment
If you are brave enough, you may even consider meeting face to face with the one your partner will meet
Although rare, it is not unusual for the players to be both knowledgeable and articulate enough to have a proper conversation outside of the role he plays in the game
The most limits that this life sets are defined by ourselves
Consider all the pros and cons and make the best choice possible
In the end, what really matters is your happiness together
